I Have My Own Secrets
by SlytherinsScribe
Summary: Ginny thinks she knows everything about her boyfriend, but the night after he defeats Voldemort, he shocks everyone. Canon until epilogue. HPxGW sort of HPxOC This is rated T for child abuse, suicide and character death.


This is canon until Voldemort is defeated.Ginny thinks she knows everything about her boyfriend, but when he starts talking to her after killing Voldemort, she learns about a side of him no one had ever imagined.

Disclaimer: If I owned Potter, trust me, this is not what I would be doing on a Saturday night.

I Have My Own Secrets

Voldemort had been defeated, and while there had been heavy losses, for the most part people were in a good mood in the Great Hall. Others had been injured and were being tended to by Madam Pomfrey, Harry included. For the first time the school nurse saw the boy lay in the infirmary with no qualms, almost at peace to be in the sterile room. He stared at the ceiling as blood was cleaned off his injuries and the random blood spatter from killing. Harry had been visited by a few people already, Ron and Hermione, most of the Weasleys, some of his old quidditch buddies, but now Ginny had joined him.

"You okay?" Ginny asked softly, moving his hair from his forehead in gentle movements.

"It hurts, but I've had worse." Harry admitted, having denied he was in any pain to his other visitors.

"Afraid of what will happen now?"

Harry hesitated this time and sighed, "I've watched people die, nothing scares me anymore."

"Stop it, I don't want you to have to think about death the rest of your life." Ginny said firmly, but not losing her caring tone.

Harry shook his head, "Gin, you have to understand, it's too late for me to deny death. It's been in my life since birth. I saw two people die before I even came to Hogwarts."

Ginny raised an eyebrow, "I thought you didn't see your father die."

"I didn't, it was someone else. Look, I have my own secrets." Harry said, then bit his lip hard, "Please forgive me,"

"For what?" Ginny asked, confused by the jump in conversation.

"I love you, Ginny, I really do. It's just… the night she died… my heart went with her. You have every reason to hate me for this, I just didn't have the guts to hurt you like I was hurt. I shouldn't have led you on when I knew it would never work out anyway." Harry said quietly, refusing to look her in the eye.

"Harry, are you breaking up with me?" Ginny asked, "After all that we've been through, after I waited for you, you're breaking up with me? What did I do wrong?"

"Ginny, you didn't do anything wrong, I did. Don't blame yourself for this." Harry said, still refusing to look at her when he sensed her anger flare out as she stood suddenly.

"Don't try to pull that on me, everyone who says that is lying. I never expected you to, I thought you loved me," She looked away from him, "I swear, I never want to see you again if you're going to be like this."

"Then go," Harry said, "No one's keeping you here, so just go."

Ginny left without another word, shoving past Hermione and Ron who had brought food for their friend. They gave Ginny a strange look as she fled, but shrugged it off and entered the infirmary to see Harry somewhere between crying and smiling at their presence. Hermione sighed and sat next to him, "You had a fight with Ginny."

Harry shrugged, "Not really. I just told her that… maybe… maybe we're not meant for each other. I guess I'm just remembering things from a long time ago and letting them bother me."

"Did you two break up?" Ron asked, setting the plate of food on the nightstand next to Harry.

"More or less, she didn't take it well. Can't say I expected her to." Harry said taking a roll from the plate with a sad smile, "It will all make sense in the morning.

**stsal reve doog gnihton**

Hermione and Ron were dragged half asleep down to the dungeons by a crying Ginny early the next morning. Ron had never been the happiest person in the morning, "Bloody hell, what's going on?"

Ginny turned on him, tears running down her cheeks and looked her brother in the eye, "Harry, he… oh, Merlin, he… killed himself last night. This is all my fault."

Hermione and Ron were hit pretty hard by the words, and before long all three were sitting on the floor outside the potions classroom as Ron tried to comfort the girls while not letting them see him cry. They hardly noticed as Kingsley came out of the potions classroom and told Ginny that everything was set up. Ginny tried to compose herself as she took a small vial of memories out of her pocket, "He, he left this… Madam Pomfrey arranged for us to use Snape's pensieve… I thought you deserved to know as well."

Ron stood and helped a still crying Hermione to her feet, Ginny had calmed herself to silent tears and led them through the door to the large basin that had been set up on the desk at the front of the room. Her hand shook as she pulled the cork off of the vial and poured it into the pensieve. They all entered the penseive together, afraid of what he had chosen to leave them.

'_Get the freak!'_ A fat boy cried as the group of boys with him joined in the chase of a small boy, which the three realized was Harry as a kid, but couldn't place an age on him. Harry ran around the playground, finally getting away from his pursuers by hiding in a thick bush. After a minute or so he had worked himself to a small opening deep inside the bushes, and his expression turned to surprise as he saw he wasn't alone.

'_Who are you?'_ Harry asked the small girl, a red-head with a long-sleeved dress with a braid running down her back.

'_Fae, who are you?'_

'_Harry,'_

'_Are you hiding?'_

'_Yeah, you?"_

'_Yeah,'_ Fae said watching him with interest, _'Will you be my friend?'_

Harry's face lit up at the prospect of his first friend, _'You'd really be my friend?"_

Fae nodded. The rest of their class break was spent in comfortable silence, unsure of what being friends meant.

The scene changed to a deserted corner of a small park where Harry was alone looking for something at dusk. Finally his eye caught something, _'Fae?"_

'_Harry?"_ She responded, and you could see the tears as she stepped into the light.

Harry hugged her, _'Please Fae- please don't cry, I can't stand it when you cry.'_

'_You're going to get in trouble again, you should stop coming to see me.'_ Fae said through her tears.

'_Do you really want me to leave?'_ Harry asked, and she shook her head.

'_Please don't leave me,'_

'_Good, because I don't want to leave you like this, you're my best friend.' _Harry said softly giving her a soft smile, _'He beat you again.'_

'_Yeah,'_ Fae started shaking as she noticed he could see part of a bruise that was under her sleeve, and pulled away when he tried to pull her sleeve up to get a better look at it. She gave him a pained look, _'Please Harry, never, ever do that again. I don't want anyone to see them.'_

'_I understand,' _Harry replied, _'But I will always look out for you. I just wish I could do more than watch you get hurt.'_

'_If it weren't for you I would have given up a long time ago. I can't do this on my own.' _ Fae said as she let him hold her, _'Can you just talk to me? About anything, I just need to think about something different.'_

Harry thought a minute, as if searching for something odd enough to distract her, '_I had a dream last night, we were free, living in the country, it was just us, and… no- no, I can't do this. I woke up crying from that dream… because deep down I know we'll never be free from your father or my relatives. Never.'_

The scene changed again, it was raining and in the middle of the night. Harry was on the ground holding Fae, blood pooling around her as neighbors stood around her father. From the talking around them Harry had been the one to knock him out, but he was now stirring as the newly wed couple on the block got the two kids in the car to take them to the hospital. As the man loaded Fae into the car in a blanket, Harry turned to the semi-conscious man and said, _'If I ever see you again, I sear, I'll kill you.'_

The car ride passed quickly, Harry curled up to Fae crying. He kept quietly chanting, '_Come on Fae, live. If you leave, I don't know if I can live. Don't die.'_

When they got to the hospital, the couple explained the situation as Harry watched Fae loaded onto a gurney. A nurse told him to wait in the room, and assured him that he would be allowed to stay even though he refused to say where he was from. The nurse tried to cheer him up as he sat alone in the waiting room, the couple had already left to make sure Fae's dad had in fact been arrested. The nurse made him eat a muffin while waiting, after finding out that the by who looked five was nearly seven and a half.

It was almost an hour later when a doctor came in and kneeled in front of Harry and looked him sadly in the eye, _'I'm sorry, but she's not going to pull through.'_

The scene changed to Harry escaping from the Dursley's in the snow without so much as a coat. He ran down a few streets and then climbed over a short fence that went around the graveyard. He was late, the body was already underground and he could hear those who noticed him and knew he was close to her whisper, _'I'm sorry. So, so sorry. We should have known, should have stopped it.'_

_Fae Hartley_

_April 15, 1980 – December 14, 1987_

The scene changed again, and this time Harry was in the Infirmary yesterday, two vials on the nightstand. One had been stolen from the restricted stores in the potions office, poison. The other was the vial he had put his memories in, currently still empty/ he spoke quietly, _'I can't believe I'm doing this, it's all over. I should be getting ready to have a normal life. I guess I feel guilty. I went out with Ginny because she reminded me so much of her. I was stupid to think they were the same. I guess I'm killing myself because I don't think it's fair if I get freedom when she doesn't. I knew her over a year, and she was my first friend. My uncle nearly killed me because I kept sneaking out to see her. I don't expect anyone to understand, but I want to have tried. I'm sorry.'_

They left the penseive. Did they fully understand why Harry had killed himself, no. Then again, if Harry had hidden this from everyone, perhaps there was more to his reason for killing himself than he told them. They would never know.

(A/N: That plot bunny been running around my head for weeks. If you liked it, please review!)


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